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on top of me you look this way

titched little birdie

robidee obidee
20 November 1988
Everything Robin touches turns to gay. He can't help it. His dad seriously thinks that he is gay, despite the girlfriend he's had for over a year. This is speculation on Robbie's part, but consider this recent conversation.
Dad: Hey kid, wanna do something this weekend?
Robbie: Yea, sure.
Dad: 'Cause I hear there's an excellent butterfly exhibit at the New York botanical gardens this month.
Robbie: We're there!

Robin can't seem to hold down a job, on account of being "rebellious." For example, he worked at a daycare in which he was the Arts and Crafts "supervisor." I.E. He drew pictures and frolicked with the kids, which as you can imagine is right up his alley, as he has the emotional capacity of a 12 year-old girl. However, the upper echelon Nazis who ran the business started interfering with the children's creative process, forbidding them to make their cats purple or the clouds in the sky for that matter, insisting that clouds are "WHITE." So much they know, fucking dry vagina whores apparently have never seen a sunset. Robin became enraged and incited a full revolt against this disgusting rule, in which he began a series of Picasso-style pictures and encouraged the kids to make whatever the hell they wanted, and then he introduced them to paint and let them use him and each other as canvases. As a final touch, he taught them the word "Solidarity!" and the fist. The Nazis were naturally enraged, all the more when informed that they needed to "get laid."
Unfortuneatly, Robin no longer has that job.
He graduated last June but is not currently enrolled in school.
He seriously considers selling his body to make money. Also stripping. This concerns his family.
He was conceived in January of 1988 by a Communist Pirate and a very beautiful Czech woman, who, as it happens, is a brazen hussy. This may explain why he looks ABSOLUTELY FEMALE.
Recently his delusions about the Netherlands (another of his mother countries) were destroyed; apparently there are whores and violence there, not just the peaceful pot and happy peacey Netherlanders. This took him for a pretty bad spin and to alleviate the shock, he began middle-of-the-night walks, always carrying a sledge hammer or gardening shears with him, in case some perv tackled him and made him a suckpig.
He has never been officially grounded, because there is nothing to take away from him. He hates cell phones, talks on the phone very little, and is pretty much a hateful little hermit who hates big parties and basically hangs out with his sister and girlfriend exclusively.
He watches the news late at night and cries and rocks back and forth, and as a result, he is forbidden to watch the news.
This is the story of Robin "Hobbles" Lender. He loathes SUVs and clearly likes referring to himself in the third person. He identifies as pansexual and likes sand because it is so scratchy and invasive.
He thinks it would be cool if unicorns were real.
No one has actually ever called him Hobbles, but he might like it if they did.

Intelligent, wry, cynical, silly, empathetic, pretentious, melancholic.
1970s, 1980s, 1990s, 1996 toyota corollas, adamently anti-bush, adoption, agnosticism, alaska, amnesty international, androgyny, anti-bush, anti-cell phone, anti-kkk, anti-racism, anti-rape, anti-suv, anti-war, babe the gallant pig, babies, baby pictures, baking, bed, birds, birthday streamers, board games, bob marley, bob ross, bolivia, bomber jackets, boobs, bowie knives, boy george, buddhism, cake, cambodians, candy corn, card games, cats, christianity, chuck palahniuk, clay, claymation, communism, conspiracy, cracking bones, crayons, cults, czechoslovakia, dad, dancing, ddr, dinosaurs, doin' it, dr. perry cox, dr. starr, english, everything russia, existentialism, faith healers, feeling groovy, fidelity, flowery smells, gay marraige, gay rights, germany, girl clothes, glitter, gluesticks, going commando, gsa, hair, halloween, hammocks, hare krishna, hinduism, horse racing, hugs, hyenas, ihop, illustrating kids' books, in-door plumbing, infidelity, islam, janism, jenna, jim and pam, jive, judaism, julian casablancas, kids, lake george, louie the poodle, making shirts, marxism, molotov cocktails, monks, native america, netherlands, new york city, no pants, no priests, not astrology, not showering, oceans, one-upping julian casablancas, opium dens, peaceful protest, people who smoke cigarettes, ping pong, platinum blonde wigs, polygamy, preserving nature, pretty people, pro-choice, pro-environment, project runway, rainbows, roy orbison, saratoga, semicolons, sex pistols, shakespeare, simon and garfunkel, sister, skepticism, sleep, small hands, socialism, spankin', speedboating, spelling and grammar, sweden and its swedes, swings, tattoos, teaching, techno and electronica, the clash, the french, the humane society, the office (us version), the rocky horror show, the smiths, the strokes, theology, transcendentalism, uno, vh1, water bottles, yahtzee